10 Goals to Self Improvement

10 GOALS TO SELF-IMPROVEMENT

1. Read a new book every month
2. Go to bed early, Wake up early
3. Study more on Buddhism every night
4. Find newer bands to listen to
5. Make it a point to write in my journal every night
6. Save up money for a new IPOD
7. Do my Yoga/Pilate videos every morning
8. Keep drawing !
9. Start writing songs again
10. Maintain a healthy diet

This won't be easy but these are MY goals and I will accomplish them.
Thanks for the idea, christofer drew. <3>

ATTENTION everyone whos wondering whats wrong with your girl !!!!!

I need to write and clear my head up. I have an hour to meet with that important beezy at Toni and Guy Hairdressing Academy. My world feels tilted. and honestly...nothing feels just about right. I'm trying to figure out what I want with my life. Sometimes I feel like I live through my fantasies I have in my head. That really make no sense. I live in Anna's world I'll be the first to admit.

I make no sense anymore. Everything I thought I wanted changed when I started school. I really can't even sleep usually. I think everything that happened in the past needs to be written about so that I feel content with myself again. I keep telling myself, write , write but then I never do. So it's time I sat down and really wrote about my life. I don't care if the whole entire world see's what I've been going through. It just doesn't matter to me. I believe that laying it all out on the table will not only make me feel more secure with myself but possibly give some people a better understanding of who the real Anna is. I'm really not that bad of a person, I swear it.

I don't understand how long it takes someone to realize when they are doing something wrong. I suppose some people will never learn. I just know how badly it hurts to hit rock bottom. Sometimes when people tell you they are sorry, no matter what...They aren't. No matter how hard you try to get the truth out of someone, they won't tell you because they are scared that your opinion of them might change.

Being the last to know about your secrets is not how I want to live my life. Knowing you aren't sorry and that things will never change is a hopeless life. Very sad at that. I don't believe in you anymore. It's sad because you knew me so well but I didn't know you at all. I wonder how I never knew that you changed. So much time went by and still I went on and used to numb the pain. I buried myself alive on the inside just to make sure you didn't know how horrible I felt. Everything I felt for you I hid behind every shot I took. Violence became my lashing out. I became the person I hated most. I was colourless. A sad girl at that.

I really wouldn't want to ever drag myself into that hole again. Really that is what I think I'm scared of now. I believe that is what I drag with me still today. I'm scared if i let someone in they are going to change within the first year I'm with them. I mean they do say that the first year you are with someone that their true colours will come out. I believe that too. Possibly even sooner. Or with alcohol.

This isn't done but I'll write more later to finish it up. <3 muah

I'll admit when I feel like shit

I took it upon myself to decide to switch Beauty schools from Toni and Guy Hairdressing Academy to the Bellingham Beauty School. I really don't feel like I'll be regretting this. I don't want a big name on my resume I just want to be respected. I don't need to make a lot of money to be happy. That is not who Anna is. All I need is enough money to survive. I'm real so I'm standing up for what I believe in and staying at Toni and Guy would make me fake. I just don't want to be representing a company that I don't believe stands for something I actually agree with.

From the outside looking in, Toni and Guy seemed like a dream school to me. I won't lie the feeling I got signing the contract I did with them was undeniable. I never felt so happy in my life. But the feeling I'm getting knowing I'm terminating my education there feels even better. I felt so trapped a week ago. Like there wasn't an ounce of myself left. All I really want is to be able to be myself. You can't do that there. I felt like my life was becoming this huge lie. I really never realized how transparent I was becoming. I started talking like other girls there and dressing like them. I was seriously disgusted with myself, when I looked in the mirror I really felt nasty. I never was part of a world where you had to become something so fake. Ugh just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.

All I know now is that i'm happy to be on my way to something much better. I don't know if writing this will affect anything or change anyone's opinion on Toni and Guy. It really isn't my intentions to do so. I just really needed to get off my chest exactly how I felt about them.